Known for frequently saying «don’t touch me,» Howie Mandel shocked everyone when he gave Reba McEntire a firm hug on The Voice stage in September 2023. Despite his severe germaphobia, the comedian couldn’t contain his excitement when faced with the country music star’s charm.

While Mandel appears cheerful and upbeat in the public eye, privately, he admits to being a man riddled with fear, often preferring to curl up «in the fetal position.» In a candid moment, he recently revealed the torment his OCD puts him through, describing it as «absolute hell.»

Many people’s inner germaphobe emerged during the pandemic, becoming hyperaware of contamination risks. However, while some have moved past their fears, for others, like Mandel, the anxiety remains ever-present.

“I can’t go a day without thinking about survival,” Mandel says, referring to the extreme anxiety and OCD he has struggled with since childhood. The 68-year-old television personality shared in an interview with People that the pandemic was particularly traumatic, explaining, “The comfort I used to find was in knowing that everyone around me was okay. But during the pandemic, nothing felt right, and it was unbearable.”

The Mayo Clinic defines OCD as a condition involving “unwanted thoughts and fears,” or obsessions, which lead to compulsive behaviors. These repetitive actions are not only distressing but also disrupt daily life.

“I feel like I’m trapped in a nightmare,” says Mandel, who was born in Canada. Despite having a loving family, including his wife Terry and their three children—Riley, Jackie, and Alex—whom he married in 1980, he admits that he sometimes falls into deep depressions.

For Mandel, laughter truly is the best medicine. He first rose to fame on St. Elsewhere in 1982, and although each day brings its struggles, comedy has been his lifeline. «I use humor to cope. If I’m not laughing, I’m crying,» he says, acknowledging that he hasn’t always been open about how dark his struggles can get.

«I feel most at ease onstage,» he adds, explaining that comedy helps him push back against the grip of OCD. «It’s tough when I don’t have anything to do. I spiral inward.»

Despite his challenges, Mandel continues to stay busy with numerous projects, channeling his signature humor into them. Along with being a judge on America’s Got Talent (AGT), he hosts other shows and continues to entertain audiences worldwide.

In 2022, Mandel opened up about his mental health struggles during an appearance on The Kelly Clarkson Show. “I have OCD, and I’m neurotic,” he admitted. “People think because I’m out there, I’m enjoying myself. But the truth is, I’m terrified. I’d rather be at home, curled up in a ball.”

Clarkson, surprised by his confession, replied, “That’s so surprising because when I see you, even outside of work, you seem so lively and upbeat.”

Mandel joked, «I know, I’m such a joy, a light, full of energy, and gorgeous. But in reality, I’m heavily medicated.»

Perhaps it was this medication that helped Mandel find the courage to hug Reba McEntire on The Voice. During a taping, Mandel excitedly ran up to McEntire, calling her name and asking for her autograph on his “I [heart] Reba” shirt. After she signed it, he surprised everyone by pulling her into a tight embrace.

“You don’t see that every day,” quipped host Carson Daly, acknowledging how unusual it was for the typically contact-averse comedian.

Reflecting on the moment, Mandel admits that people are often confused by his actions. “People notice these inconsistencies,” he says. «They’ll say, ‘He shook someone’s hand’ or ‘He hugged someone.’ Yes, I can do those things, but then I obsess over whether my hands are truly clean. And I’ll spend hours washing them, caught in a loop.»

Determined to keep the conversation about mental health going, Mandel adds, “I can see the humor in my situation, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. I don’t want to justify my emotional state—I just want to keep the conversation going.”